Because I had to, because I loved you, I burned up the old constellations

January 2, 2011

I’m reading Saul Williams and listening to the Rolling Stones.  I hope none of you picked up alcoholism for the holidays, that’s becoming quite the trend. Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! When I was trying to write new year’s resolutions, I realized I have no idea what I want, from life, myself, or other people. I’ve colored my life with the chaos of trouble, and now I’m lost, not sure where to go from here. All I know is, I am a compulsive excavator of my own emotional navel lint, a nitpicking obsessive truth-teller, and often full of shit.


“It’s just like you told me it’d be, it’s nothing, nothing, nothing, at all. We are all made of air, there’s stars in my eyes and there’s sun in my hair. And I’m running away, it makes me feel better. It’s just like you told me it’d be, it’s nothing, nothing, nothing, at all. When it comes down to this, I’m neither sorry nor cross nor unfit, and I’m running away, there’s smoke on my sweater. It’s just like you told me it’d be, it’s nothing, nothing, nothing, at all.” – she and him


wounds will heal, but mind your head.


“Ooh I’ll be the one to break my heart, I’ll be the one to hold the gun, and I love you more than I knew before. I know more than I knew before. I don’t know what I knew before, but now I know I wanna win the war. I’ll be the one to break my heart, I’ll be the one to break my heart, I’ll end it though you started it.” – feist


i liked my heart where it goddamn was. what the hell did you do with it?


“Three words that became hard to say, I and love and you. What you were then, I am today. Look at the things I do. Oh Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in, are you aware the shape I’m in? My hands they shake, my head it spins. Oh Brooklyn Brooklyn, take me in.” – the avett brothers


do you like my rusted old halo? it’s broken in places, but I think it still works.


“I was in love with a trapeze artist. Stupid me, they always drop you at the last minute.” – amelie


“I did my very best to drown in this. You only wanted me rising, wanted me rising. Here’s a firm goodbye to yesterday, and the time I wasted in the words trying to find my way to you, love. Here’s a firm goodbye to all the ways I was trying to lose you, when you were right in front of me. One moment later, I would have been out at sea. One moment later, I would have been out at sea. ” – greg laswell

 

I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone – kurt vonnegut


Love is a stranger, makes of me a lotus eater


Crooked lust, crooked lust, my conscience is an avalanche


“i’m learning, i’m yearning, i’m burning all your stuff, but that’s not enough. i’m faking that i’m aching, this stinking lust for love. thanks that was fun, don’t forget, no regrets. except maybe one. made a deal not to feel. god, that was dumb. this sentimentality doesn’t look good on me. deflated and jaded, i hate it when you call, which isn’t at all.” – barenaked ladies


Now I’m back in your good graces again, remember when you said I was your only friend? Dig your heels in, little girl, put em to the test. There’s so many things we’d like to have that we just cannot hold. – she and him


Remember, it’s alright to wonder. I ask no questions and I keep my secrets. I burned the words, but the words stay.


Christmas seems more like the behavior of a drunk man, really. “Honey, why is there a… a pine tree… in our living room?” “AH LEIK IT. We’re gonna… we’re gonna decorate it… FOR JESUS. Now I’m gonna go puke behind this couch. Merry Christmas.”


Forgetting would be like having a poem, a beautiful wild poem that no one else has, and burning it.


War is men’s disease, love is women’s.

 

You still smell like poetry,
all the rage and the light.
Love is a dream
of tangled roots and bones,
the eternal battle
between the poet and the devil.


“And Lot’s wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human.
So she was turned to a pillar of salt. So it goes.
People aren’t supposed to look back. I’m certainly not going to do it anymore.” – Kurt Vonnegut


You say I’m hard to read, I play hide and seek with my true intentions.


She dreamt of bones, and went to see the god of war, of poets, and of hanged men, seeking wisdom.


I like boys with strong convictions and convicts with perfect diction, underdogs with good intentions, amputees with stamp collections. Always seriously joking, and rambunctiously soft spoken. I like boys that like their mothers, and I have a thing for brothers, but they always wait til we’re under the covers to say, “I’m sure glad we’re not lovers. You’re so nice and you’re so smart, you’re such a good friend I have to break your heart. I’ll tell you that I love you then I’ll tear your world apart, just pretend I didn’t tear your world apart.”


Perhaps many girls know his story, and have fallen for his words. He doesn’t have any more words for me, why should I give him any of mine?


“Not gonna fall down today, instead I will buckle my knees and sway, against sweet memories, against memories. I’ve gotta get out of here today, there is too much room in this bed where I lay. And if the breeze blows me down, I’ll take my time to come around, but I’m not out, I’m not out. You’re losing me, my love. I’m sure that I am tangled up in things you said out loud to me, so recklessly.” – Greg Laswell


your groove did this


“There was a kid with a head full of doubt. So I’ll scream til I die or til the last of those bad thoughts are finally out.” – the avett brothers


“tenuous, at best,” was all she had to say when pressed about the rest of it, her love, that is.


i am a lover

walking on water.

unraveling,

nameless,

…a wildfire.

With my satellite eyes

I will burn up the old constellations

 

“come, my love
we have mountains to climb
wilderness to wander” – Saul Williams


“she needn’t steal your heart
if you give it to her
the cops and robbers
of your childhood
neglected to teach you
such simplicity”
– Saul Williams


“i’ve got this sentimental heart that beats, but i don’t really mind that it’s starting to get to me now. why do you waste my time, is the answer to the question on your mind. but i know that i can make it, as long as somebody takes me home every now and then” – the killers


“a love supreme
summoned from dreams
fuses now
with the hereafter
as spirit to flesh
is melded by the sun” – Saul Williams

 

“a prince
sings of thieves
in a temple” – Saul Williams


We are just like Romeo and Juliet, young, in love, and… Hemorrhaging blood.


“only through new words
might new worlds
be called
into order” – Saul Williams


Girl’s got a complicated case of escapism


IF IT’S PRETTY, FUCK IT. THERE IS NO GAY.


“love has become a fiery place. but we are living in an old testament where there is a faith that does not burn, that turns kings into believers” – Saul Williams

 

“I’ve gotta be honest, I think you know, I’m covered in lies and that’s okay.” – Vertical Horizon


“what kind of man would i be?” “well, you wouldnt call me the morning after, thats for damn sure.”


 

I’m not moody, more like hilariously tragic


“i am like a survivor
of the flood
walking  through the streets
drenched with           GOD
surprised that all of the
drowned victims
are still walking and talking” – Saul Williams

 

“i have two sunflowers wilting on my bookshelf

thats it

thats all

the poem is done, get out” – Steve Roggenbuck

 

“i sweep through city streets, my wings outstretched” – Saul Williams


I am bare-boned and crazy for you


“my kali flower
i am eternally destroyed
by your love”
– Saul Williams


“It’s not my job to make you a better man and i don’t give a shit if i’ve made you a better man. It’s not a fucking woman’s job to be  consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.”


“Behold, a story untold.
I have seen the moon
in a sundress.
The ocean
beneath her
rippling in laughter
at the sight
of a lone man
walking on water”- Saul Williams


I hate you so, I hate you so, my love


“if you call me, i wont answer 

i am sitting under the moon inside of a wheelbarrow” – Steve Roggenbuck


“i have offered myself
the inkwell of the wordsmith
that i might be shaped
into new terms of being”
– Saul Williams


“Tell me baby, tell me, does his company make light of a rainy day? How I’ve missed you lately, and the way you would speak, and all that we wouldn’t say. Do his hands in your hair feel a lot like a thing you believe in? Or a bit like a bird stealing bread out from under your nose?” – iron & wine


“Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don’t like it.”


“Learning to love, she had forgotten to cry. Seldom hearing the distant thunder in her lover’s ambivalent sighs. He was not honest. She was not sure.” – Saul Williams

 

“there is the current
i wish to sail
here is a love
uncharted” – Saul Williams


Message read on the bathroom wall, said “I don’t feel at all like I thought.” And we’re losing all touch, losing all touch, building a desert.  – modest mouse


Then I came back from space, with a brand new life and a different face. I took your hand and held it up, and shot your arm full of love. And it spread, and it spread.

 

“i surrendered
my beliefs
and found myself
at the tree of life
injecting my story
into the veins
of leaves
only to find that stories
like forests
are subject to seasons”
– Saul Williams


But where will you find someone as dangerously off-kilter as me?


love and other oxytocin-induced compulsions,
tangerine.


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