love’s a weed, trust is rain. restart, my heart.

October 12, 2010

I moved from the land of sunshine and eucalyptus to the land of redwoods and banana slugs. It’s a good environment for emotional recovery. And the nudist/barefoot vibe is pretty nice. I’m an absurdly impulsive insomniac at the moment, but I’ve been having weird dreams involving rainstorms that make seas where I drown but I don’t die, and I feel oddly lost and foreign.

It’s not a bad thing, it’s a trade-off. I can fly, but I’m alone. And then I wake up.


my heart, it just won’t stay in one place. how my love, it spins me round. how my love, it lets me down.

“Look at that
Would you look at that?
We’re throwing off sparks
What will I do when I don’t have you
To hold onto in the dark?
I don’t know why it’s gotten harder to keep myself away
Thought I’d finally beat the feeling back
It all came back today
And then we fell down
And we locked arms
We knocked the dresser over as we rolled across the floor
I don’t mean it when I tell you
That I don’t love you any more
Look at that
Would you look at that?
The way the ceiling starts to swerve
What will I do when I don’t have you
When I finally get what I deserve?” – the mountain goats


“I, I should’ve been listening to every word you said. I was trying to keep the door locked, now I realize that’s a mistake. å little thing, every little thing, every little thing is gonna tear you apart.”- wilco

“It’s possible I, have gone too far when it comes to you.
No matter how far away, deep down I’m gonna stray,
God knows I’m lost, And all I do is love you.
Say now, say now, could it be, when it comes to you and me
What is left for me to do, now it’s all just up to you
Maybe that was all your plan and I’m just part of something else
So what is left for me to do, now it’s all just up to you” – ida maria


“Lost inside of my head, empty side of the bed
I feel this place without you
I keep pushing the bruise
‘Cause I don’t want to lose what I loved about you
You’re not gonna lose this one,
You don’t have to cut and run.
I think you can choose to love and what is more,
That is how you survived the war.”- the weepies

“It was really nice to meet you, goodbye. It’s high time I quit wondering why, cause I have lost all that I can from my side, and when you think of me again, know I tried, I tried.” – greg laswell

“thank god you see me the way you do, strange as you are to me.” – iron & wine

Shoulda known you’d bring me heartache, almost lovers always do

I’m floating in the chasm of desire and unknowing.


“Fear finds October, emotions are juices, beat around bushes and make up excuses.” – kimya dawson

when I think of you, it’s so bittersweet it hurts my teeth sometimes.

“In our rooms filled with laughter
We make hope from every small disaster
Everybody says “you can’t, you can’t, you can’t, don’t try.”
Still everybody says that if they had the chance they’d fly” – the weepies


“Love and some verses you hear, say what you can’t say. Love to say this in your ear, “I’ll love you that way.” From your changing contentments, what will you choose to share? Someday, drawing you different, may I be weaved in your hair?” – iron & wine

“Inside, out of love, what a laugh
, I was looking for you” – wilco

there’s too much past in my present, like i’m carrying around your beautiful ghost


you don’t have to lie to tell the truth, but it helps.

“Everything you see is all for your taking.
Climb into my dreams and leave nothing.
I have got all night leave nothing.
In the morning the sun will have its fight.
So show me what is mine.
Take my heart and drag it through your life.
Take your time, I’ve got all night.” – greg laswell

“we are blessed aren’t we? in the shade of these large aurburn leaves. unexpectedly, we arrive where we’re all meant to be.” – iron & wine

Romance is a forest of hands and teeth.

the lost and hollow eyes of insomnia. the shaking hands of fate. the men. the girls.


“And the world’s like a science
And I’m like a secret
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still” – she and him

“but i should probably say that i’m unsure why i’m running
running away from
the only thing i want
i’ll write you a letter, to say goodbye
and i will make it long and maybe lie just a little
tell you that i’m doing fine
then i’ll send it out and let things be
if not for you
for me and for the time i’ve spent
foolishly loving thee” – greg laswell

You are shades of sunlight
a meteor shower, an eclipse,
a burning blinding sea.
But oh, but oh,
how fickle are the tides.
You come and go in waves.
You are my ghost now,
I follow your shadow everywhere.

Your love grows on a farm, you get it prepackaged and clean, safe and reliable. But do you ever feel like something’s missing?

“You don’t know, you can never be sure, but you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who don’t love enough.” – Imagine me and you

It is a science of desire, a puzzle with missing pieces, absurd and fantastic, the perfection of chaos, the ultimate surrender.

“you sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways. You play forgiveness, watch it now, here he comes. He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young. They say the devil’s water, it ain’t so sweet. You don’t have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet, every once in a little while.” – The Killers

you read me like a book you won’t bother finishing.


And all my love is wasted, and who the hell was I? Pour a little salt, we were never here. Nothing grows here now, nothing grows. Burn it to the ground.

if i was a gambling girl, i’d bet on you eating my heart

the oracle said wander
the wind will guide you on
don’t stop for anyone
destroy your love and your name
you are no longer the same
you are a new creature
born of fire, bred of air
are you awake?
all muscle and light,
a burning, blinding thing,
with those big empty eyes.
you lost something
along the way
you’ve got wings
but no heart
i have ocean eyes,
i split and rupture
and burst forth color
I defy Delphi.

Heartbreak, make of me a dancer

‎”this one’s for the lonely, the ones that seek and find, only to be let down time after time. this one’s for the torn down, the experts at the fall. come on friends get up now, you’re not alone at all. oh oh oh, oh oh oh. it comes and goes in waves. this one’s for the faithless, the ones that are surprised. this one’s for believing, if only for its sake, come on friends get up now, love is to be made.” – greg laswell

I will call your number and let your house ring until I wake your ghost

“all of the love we left behind, watching the flashbacks intertwine.”


you ask, am i awake?
where do i go to
when the moon comes up
and the fog comes rolling in
like a bad memory or a bad dream
amber eyes or a wicked smile,
where do i go to
when that girl in my bed
wants a part of me that’s lost?
and i’ll wonder, i’ll wonder
if i’m missing something.

“Gravity is working against me, and gravity wants to bring me down. Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me. It might be a quarter life crisis, or just the stirring in my soul.” – john mayer

Love is just a maiming, an accident. You may survive it, but there’s less of you.

“I look deep into the eye of Heartbreak and say “fuck you bitch”.”

“Honey honey up in the trees, fields of flowers deep in his dreams. honey honey out on the sea, in the doldrums thinking of me. Me on dry land, thinking of he, honey honey, not next to me. Honey honey, food for the bees. ” – Feist

“Don’t forget me.”
“I won’t remember anything else.” -Imagine me and you

Ophelia is now “single.” Ophelia removed “moody princes” from her Interests. Ophelia joined the group “Maidens Who Don’t Float.”

“Pay my respects to grace and virtue, Send my condolences to good. Give my regards to soul and romance, they always did the best they could. And so long to devotion, you taught me everything I know. Wave goodbye, wish me well, you’ve gotta let me go.”


I’m not sleeping

I’m not breathing

without machine.


my heart’s been breaking

my heart’s been breaking

through the seam.

Shut me off,

shut me off.

Grow and evolve

with eyes wide open

for things to come.

Go forth.

Viva la revoluciòn.

love and other imaginings,



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