Indieness and hipsterdom: a brief history of smug

May 6, 2010

“You just don’t appreciate the genius of Spoon like I do.”

I’m sure you’ve seen one of these. Insecure people want to use their self-loathing and pretentiousness to better their lives, and now that the “hipster” genre (see: douchebag) has come about, they have found their sad, whiskey-sodden niche. They are the new hippies and future yuppies. But for the love of God, you DO NOT want to get in a conversation with one of these people. All stereotypes aside, the best way to spot one is if you hear the words, “Oh, you like THAT Modest Mouse album? Yeah, I guess it’s ok, if you like stuff they sell at Target.” or “indie cred.”

They base their entire existence on irony. Unfortunately, this means I can’t start a band called The Indie Kids and play shitty rap metal, or even better, actual indie music, thereby increasing the irony tenfold so that you can’t tell if I MIGHT JUST BE SERIOUS. The road to hipsterdom is paved with irony and weight gain. Think: Urban Outfitters. It’s their sanctuary; full of fugly, Goodwill clothes that they sell for absurd amounts of money. Also “Where The Wild Things Are” (even though I was so excited when I saw the trailer that I nearly pissed myself in joy.)

Ironically, Urban Outfitters sells the book Stuff White People Like, which is all about this sad mental state.

Judging a Book by (What Pitchfork Says About) Its Cover

I defend my love of what is now called indie music (wtf? vague name is vague) by the fact that I am not a trend-following hosebeast. I walk a thin line, by becoming a fan of “hipsters that hate other hipsters for being hipsters”, “Being Really Super Indie,” and “hipsters who hate hipsters who hate other hipsters for being hipsters.” Generally, hipsters actually join those as well. Their sense of irony knows no bounds.

What they seem to not understand (despite their spider-sense of all things ironic) is that deliberately not following the crowd, for the sake of being counterculture, still makes your identity based on trends, and not your own preferences.

“Hipsters ignore rules because they think it will make them look like they don’t care. There is no end result, just a continuous cycle of mediocre indie rock and scruffy looking dudes. By basing their actions on avoiding the mainstream, they are in fact guided by the mainstream.

Assuming you’re not hitting the pipe too hard, you now understand the worst thing about hipsters: they don’t realize that they’re a big joke.”

Normally you have to trade in the proofs of purchase from three Animal Collective albums to qualify.


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