In Ohio, homosexuals only come out at night. Like impeccably dressed vampires or something.

April 12, 2010

Whoo 3 out of 4 so far! Santa Cruz for the win. I’m looking forward to living in a redwood forest. Still debating on getting a Bachelors in Psychology and English or Anthropology before I go to grad school; and if I love it there, I *might* want to stay there for my Masters, but, being me, I’ll probably transfer just for the hell of moving to another area.


Still dunno what I want to do. Can I just research serial killers? Or obscure cultures? Or be an assassin? Or a half-robot genetic scientist? Oh watch, I’ll end up teaching kindergarten.

p.s. most of the pictures here are the webcomic Rock, Paper, Cynic. Check that shit out.

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FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT:
A Review of Twilight: New Moon (rofl)

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/bum-reviews/13853-ep032


The wisdom of rats

http://www.harpers.org/archive/2010/01/0082771


Horrifying Implications of Fantasy Universes

http://www.cracked.com/article_18475_6-horrifying-implications-awesome-fantasy-movie-universes.html


Mad Science Passed off as Art

http://www.cracked.com/article_18507_5-works-legitimate-mad-science-passed-off-as-art.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=blog+brockway040610


Edward Cullen: the problem child

http://oxymoronassoc.livejournal.com/462027.html


YANN MARTEL: as quotable as Hunter S. Thompson and Chuck Palahniuk. Behold.


“To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.”


“If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams.”

“Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can. But life leaps over oblivion lightly, losing only a thing or two of no importance, and gloom is but the passing shadow of a cloud…”


“Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed, hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see the God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God are hat-wearing Muslims.”

“If you stumble about believability, what are you living for? Love is hard to believe, ask any lover. Life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. What is your problem with hard to believe?”


“The world isn’t just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no? And in understanding something, we bring something to it, no?
Doesn’t that make life a story? That’s what fiction is about, isn’t it, the selective transforming of reality? The twisting of it to bring out its essence?”

“All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive.”


“You might think I lost all hope at that point. I did. And as a result I perked up and felt much better.”

“I have nothing to say of my working life, only that a tie is a noose, and inverted though it is, it will hang a man nonetheless if he’s not careful.”


“To me, religion is about our dignity, not our depravity.”

“And what a story. The first thing that drew me in was disbelief. What? Humanity sins but it’s God’s Son who pays the price? I tried to imagine Father saying to me, ‘Piscine, a lion slipped into the llama pen today and killed two llamas. Yesterday another one killed a black buck. Last week two of them ate a camel. The situation has become intolerable. Something must be done. I have decided that the only way the lions can atone for their sins is if I feed them you.’

‘Yes, Father, that would be the right and logical thing to do. Give me a moment to wash up’.

‘Hallelujah, my son.’

‘Hallelujah, Father.’

What a downright weird story. What a peculiar psychology.”


“I can well imagine an atheist’s last words: “White, white! L-L-Love! My God!” – and the deathbed leap of faith. Whereas the agnostic, if he stays true to his reasonable self, if he stays beholden to dry, yeastless factuality, might try to explain the warm light bathing him by saying “Possibly a f-f-failing oxygenation of the b-b-brain,” and, to the very end, lack imagination and miss the better story.”

“Reason is excellent for getting food, clothing and shelter. Reason is the very best tool kit. Nothing beats reason for keeping tigers away. But be excessively reasonable and you risk throwing out the universe with the bathwater.”


…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Weep for yourself my man, you’ll never be what it is in your heart. Weep, little lion man, you’re not as brave as you were at the start. Rate yourself and break yourself, take all the courage you have left. Waste it on fixing all the problems you made in your own head. But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I my dear?” – mumford and sons


As it turns out, the list of historical foot fetishists reads like the A-Team of literature.


“cold light. hot night. be my heater, be my lover. and we can do it to each other! go, go, go go go!” – yeah yeah yeahs

One Day the Electoral Process Will Be Replaced by Ultimate Fighting


“But beneath our asphalt and concrete the earth is whole, united, ferocious, and relentless.
This is the place where we always insist on our power because the enormity of the ground and the hard rules of the sky  make us tremble and fear that we do not have power.” – charles bowden


Hipsters: Judging a Book by (What Pitchfork Says About) Its Cover



But, hey, it’s European. Just be grateful it’s not about scat fetishes and exceedingly thin cigarettes.



“Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams, cause recently mine have been tearing my seams.” – mumford and sons


“Don’t be scared if I walk with the devil, run down the mountain, and ask for your hand. In your own time you’ll dance in the moonlight, smoke like a freight train, and fuck like a dog. Don’t be scared if I tell you I love you, I’ll be good to you, then I’ll be gone. Because we only want a life that’s well worth living! Sleeping ain’t no kind of life at all! I’ll make a family, get warm by the fire, someone will catch you if you want to fall. ” – Sam Beam

lady lady love me, cause I love to lay you, lady


“I could say that I’ll always be here for you, but that would be a lie, and quite a pointless thing to do. I could say that I’ll always have feelings for you, but I’ve got a life ahead of me, and I’m only 22. Since you’ve gone I’ve lost a chip on my shoulder, since you’ve gone I feel like I’ve gotten older. Now you’re gone, it’s as if the whole wide world is my stage, now you’re gone, it’s like I’ve been let out of my cage!” – Lily Allen

The past: it’s like looking at a bowl of peach cobbler you just dropped on the floor. As good as it might have been, you just don’t want it anymore.



“How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes, I struggle to find any truth in your lies. And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know, my weakness I feel I must finally show. lend me your hand and we’ll conquer them all, but lend me your heart and I’ll just let you fall. Awake, my soul.” – mumford and sons


In Ohio, homosexuals only come out at night. Like impeccably dressed vampires or something.


it’s not difficult for booze to gain the upper hand against my pathetic sack of organs. We went upstairs, turned off the lights, and did that thing that adults do where they grunt and let their privates fly around the room.

…Now Correct Your Posture or I’ll Burn You.



your boldness stands alone among the wreck


“we laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night, nothin new is sweeter than with you” – edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros


I understand that the man is more complex than the pigeon, but I do not feel this fact nor really believe it.


“The Roman attitude towards bestiality was so relaxed that many Roman citizens indulged in it, up to and including their goddamn emperor. But they met their match with the Egyptians, who according to the Greek historian Herodotus “mastered the art of sexual congress with a crocodile.” They didn’t just fuck crocodiles, they fucking mastered it.”


“The dead bury their dead, they will come out in droves. Take the spade from our hands and fill in the holes you’ve made. Plant your hope with good seeds, don’t cover yourself with thistle and weeds. Rain down, rain down on me.” – Mumford and Sons

“Man’s love is of man’s life a part; it is a woman’s whole existence. In her first passion, a woman loves her lover, in all the others all she loves is love.”-Byron


“We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.” – Charles Bukowski

MY DREAMS ARE FULL OF MINOR PROPHETS, PRIESTS AND PARAMEDICS


“This is how we multiply, pity that it’s not my wife. The friction in 
skin, the trembling sigh. This is how bodies move, with everything that 
we could lose. The bitter pill yet undiscovered. Gideon is in the 
drawer, clothes scattered on the floor, she’s arching her back, she 
screams for more. Oh my sweet rapture, I hear Jesus, calling me home!” – Pedro the Lion

I’m going to performance fight a performance artist

Disney’s talking animals: Everything you use to live, work, and sustain yourself likely talks, parcels out sage wisdom and most certainly will scream their asses off when you take a hatchet to them. That mosquito you just swatted had hopes and dreams. The flower you just picked for your princess just found out it was accepted to Princeton, you dick!


Open your heart chakra, motherfucker!



I guess in the end, you think about the beginning.


“If you’re lucky, they’ll turn out as good as you. You tell them that they’re good kids, but you know that it’s not true. Your father drank a little, you’re on liver number two.” – Pedro the Lion


You sir, are not a doctor. You are a douchebag with blonde highlights. Now please get your face away from my lady bits.

I’m like a packet of Kool Aid: just add water and BAM! INSTANT ORGASM!


Strawberries will remind me of lesbians until my dying day. No wonder I eat them so often.



“There’s something wrong with her underpants.” “Yeah, they’re not in my mouth.”



“If you don’t take this Michael McDonald DVD that you’ve been playing for two years straight, off, I’m going to kill everyone in the store, and put a bullet in my brain. I would rather listen to FRAN DRESCHER for 8 hours, than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear “Yah Mo B there” one more time, I’m gonna yah mo BURN this place to the ground.” – 40 year old virgin


“All of the experts say you ought to start them young, that way they’ll naturally love the taste of corporate cum. God bless the Indian summer, God bless the Indian summer.” – Pedro the Lion



Twilight turf wars: GET IN THE CAR LOSER, WE’RE GOING SPARKLING



“This line is metaphysical, and on the one side the bad half live in wickedness, and on the other side, on the other side, the good half live in arrogance. And there’s a steep slope, with a short rope. This line is metaphysical, and there’s a steady flow, moving to and fro.” – Pedro the Lion


“Will you sleep? Not a wink? Well, neither will I. Oh tell me please, that I don’t have to read between the lines. So babe, spell it out, but you don’t have to shout when you’re talking to me. Do you care? Do you care? Are you there? Well, neither am I.” – the avett brothers


Mixed drinks are a crime. Except for vodka, they can’t feel anything.



Romance is a forest of hands and teeth.

Love,

Tangerine

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