Revising the Bible: now with VODKA!

April 1, 2010

I have decided that mixed drinks are a crime. Except for vodka, they can’t feel anything. Because really, it’s not for sipping or shots, unless you’re Russian with an alcohol problem, so mix it we shall do. And it’s the perfect mixing liquor! It tastes like NOTHING.

Here’s a little project that makes religious doctrine fun! It’s like adding “in bed” to fortune cookies, BUT FULL OF GLORY.

1 Chronicles 16:28 Give unto the LORD Grey Goose, ye kindreds of the people, give unto the LORD glory and strength.

Isaiah 25:1 O LORD, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things with Absolut; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. [[IT EVEN RHYMES!!!]]

Matthew 15:31 Insomuch that the multitude wondered, when they saw the dumb to speak, the maimed to be whole, the lame to walk, and the sober to slur: and they glorified the God of Israel.

Psalms 50:15 And call upon me in the day of sobriety: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.

1 Corinthians 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body with your Blood Alcohol Content, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Philippians 1:11 Being filled with the fruits of righteousness and vodka, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.

John 15:8 Here in the martini is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.

1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink White Russians, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

Psalms 50:23 Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I show the salvation and Screwdriver of God.


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